Wednesday, July 16, 2008

You Knew It Was A Bear Market When…

Mean Street: You Knew It Was A Bear Market On Wall Street When…

, Deal Journal



A real bear market is supposed to start after major market indexes decline at least 20%. By that measure, the bear is just barely here. But who’s kidding whom?

You knew it was a bear market on Wall Street when:

1. You received yet another "Dear John" letter from your panicking money manager that started, "As I’m sure you know, the month of June has been very challenging…" and ends with the old tease that, "It is in the most challenging of markets that the greatest opportunities appear."

2. You told your wife that the crisis on Wall Street is actually a good thing, as it will bring New York real-estate prices down and make it easier to buy a bigger place. Even though you had bought your apartment less than two years ago, you have no children, your mother (who was living with you) died early this year, and you will be lucky to get any bonus this year.

3. You didn’t have to lie to your friends anymore about the drive time from New York City to the Hamptons. With the roads empty, it finally takes that hour and 45 minutes you always pretended it did.

4. You received an eerily familiar email from your company CEO full of resolve that the firm would come out of this difficult period stronger than ever. Then you realized– it was the same email you received three months ago, but from the CEO of a different company whose stock you own, and which has since gone BK.

5. Your cubicle was moved yet again as your office floor underwent its fourth reorganization/consolidation in less than a year. Your company now occupies only a fourth of a floor in a building where previously they had occupied six floors. Since the rest of the floor has not yet been sublet— after a year— it is hauntingly empty and has a tendency to echo. (There are rumors of ghosts of old customer reps who had died at their desks being seen wandering about.) You speculated on whether it was a good sign that you were sitting closer to your boss (who had lost his private office a couple of reorgs ago) until you found out you were the only two left in the department— and you were the one closest to the photocopier.

6. You recalled how you all laughed about the pilot program to outsource banking work to India. When it went fully operational and you were told to pack your things for an 'extended overseas assignment', you stopped laughing.

7.Your company medical plan was 'improved' yet again. To 'improve' fraud detection, medical claims were now only to be paid if the CEO personally approved/signed off, in advance— you hear the backlog is two years. The company life insurance plan now only pays off if you die of an approved disease or accident. Falls from high buildings are not on the list.

8. You felt relieved that the value of all your company vested and unvested shares and options was down only 50% from its peak nine months ago. Never mind that you could have easily dumped most of the shares at prices that won’t be seen for another 10 years, if then.

9. The retirement plan was further 'simplified/enhanced' to reward loyal, long-time personnel. The company 'match' is now a function of company profits. (However, the company has not been profitable in the last three years.).

10. After months of naysaying the agriculture boom, you finally succumbed and found tremendous value in the shares of a $72 billion fertilizer company that was worth a 10th of that two years ago. The stock price has not moved since you bought it.

11. You walked around smartly reminding everyone at the firm how you had warned them that the traders would finally get their comeuppance. That is, until you remembered that the traders are still running your bank and most of Wall Street.

Yes, Virginia, there is a bear market out there.

ߧ

Normxxx    
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